the BLOPE

World War III doesn’t seem that impossible when you experience it first hand. It has to start somewhere right. Well, I believe with the fiercest of beliefs that these world changing wars  begin  in the back seats of minivans! And I don’t care what the ages are of the children who are sitting in the back of those minivans. Whether they are 2 or 18, they have a hard time sharing even the same air without some kind of skirmish resulting. Why do siblings have such a hard time getting along let alone acting like they love each other? Even the very first siblings, Cain and Abel, obviously had very serious issues! Siblings will forever be competitive with one another. They compete for the best grades. They compete for athletic positions. But mostly, they feel they are competing for your attention. And their sibling stands in the way of that accomplishment in their mind. Is one of your children more athletic than the other? Can one sing and the other can’t? Does one teen make better g...

Today I want to talk to you about being a rebel. You might not think of yourself as a rebel but you might be more of one than you think! To be a great parent today, you need to be courageous enough to visit your past. How did your parents raise you during the teenage years? What was your experience like? What did your parents teach you? What values did they pass down to you? It is so important to think back on that time even if it is painful for you. Because the pain can have a purpose. It can show you where you need to rebel. Your parents were not perfect, just like you are not a perfect parent. So there has to be some areas where you could give your teenager a better experience than you got. That is something you would Rebel against from your past. A great exercise for you to after you read this is to grab a piece of paper and make a list of the different ways you want to rebel from the way you were raised. In this case, rebellion is a very good thing. It can be one of the greatest g...

Dealing with teenagers is never easy. It is also time consuming. SO we put together 3 very quick tips for keeping your cool, when you are about to blow your lid.  1) Pray this short prayer first: “God give me grace in the moment” . It is impossible to maintain control of your emotion apart from the grace of God, so be willing to ask for it. 2) Ask yourself, “What can I teach them right now?”  This thought will keep you focused on the greater parenting task which is teaching them the beliefs and life skills they need to become an adult. 3) Consider the context.  What physical changes could be causing this behavior? What relational pressures or circumstances might be fueling your teenager’s emotional response? That is it. Obviously, these things can only go so far but next time you feel like you are about to react in a negative way, just remember: Pray, Teach, Context. 

What is the difference between Reacting and Responding? Actually there is a huge difference. If you and I can understand that difference we can build bridges instead of walls in our relationships with teenagers.  This month’s online parenting class is focused on helping you as a parent learn some tips to “Respond” to your teenager in a healthy way. I want to start by sharing a great example from an experienced mom of teenagers: It was my favorite lip gloss! Burt’s Bees (the tinted one, no less) is not exactly cheap. And did I mention it was my favorite? What could she possibly have been thinking? Every sane person knows that when lip balm is left in a warm car, it tends to get soft. So what would possess her to twist it till it was all the way up and then try to push it back down into the tube? Really? Of course it split right down the middle. This would have been the perfect time to teach my teen the difference between reacting and responding. I failed. Aga...